I hate you. I hate what you did to me, I hate what you still do to me. Seeing your face everyday infuriates me, I can’t get away from you, you’re everywhere. Even though we don’t talk you still find a way to speak to me. You speak through your glares, smirks, and comments. I ignore you, we’ve played this game before, but this time I’m not taking you back. This time I’m not going to fall for your bullshit excuses. This time I’m going to move on to someone who treats me well, who doesn’t cheat on me, who doesn’t lie to me, who doesn’t make me feel like shit.
I don’t understand why you need so much attention, don’t you already get enough? The scars on your wrists, the goodbye letter “hidden” in your closet, and the countless number of empty threats. I’m going to kill myself, I’m going to cut my wrist, you all want me to die, you all hate me, you all think I’m worthless. But the truth is we don’t, the truth is we are all here for you, the truth is you don’t appreciate us, the truth is you don’t hate yourself, you don’t want to die, all you want is the drama, the attention, the pity. I’m over all of it, I’m done with the bullshit, done with you blaming everything on me. You’re not suicidal, you’re just a two-faced bitch.
I wish I could make myself love you, I wish I could be good to you, good for you, but I can’t make myself feel, I can’t make myself love.
What is wrong with me, I’m so into this guy one day and the next he annoys me to no end. I find any reason to break up with him in order to ease my own mind…. he’s flirting with other girls, he’s secretly cheating on me, he and I do not mesh well, we will never work…It’s getting so bad now. I can’t stay with the same person for more than 3 months. I thought girls were suppose to be the ones that fell in love too easily, but I just can’t seem to let that word pass through my lips. I feel as though my standards are too high, all these romantic movies are messing with my expectations, but I just can’t lower them.
Is it bad the day after I broke up with my most recent boyfriend who cared about me so much, I started looking for another one. Is it bad that I chase all these boys have them fall for me and then leave them in the dust? I try so hard to make myself fall for them, but nothing works, no one works. Will I ever find a guy that has the ability to make me fall for him, or will I be alone for the rest of my life?